Tuesday, April 17, 2012

I have 'Working Momma Guilt' and I haven't even finished maternity leave

I can't believe that a year ago, I was hugely pregnant and awaiting the arrival of my little man.  In exactly one week, he will have his first birthday and with that milestone comes yet another life-altering change.

On April 30th I will once again don my office attire and the hubs and I will scramble around like a chicken with our heads cut-off to get our kiddos dressed, fed and out the door by 7am.  My year long maternity leave will be over, the kids will be starting a new daycare and I will return to my desk and my job as an Environmental Coordinator with the Provincial Government.

I'm already feeling guilty; not because I will be at work while someone else cares for my children the majority of their waking hours, because I'm looking forward to going to work.  I'm excited to wear clothes that aren't covered in food, snot or other bodily fluids.  I'm excited to use my brain, have adult conversations and simply do a job I love and believe in.

I know these are normal feelings, but the truth is a year at home with two kids was much harder than a year at home with one.  In fact over the the past few months, I've caught myself uttering 'in another month, it will be someone else's problem' on more than one occasion.  For that, I feel truly guilty.

The transition back to work was incredibly emotional and difficult the first time around, but this time I know with certainty that my boys will settle into a new routine, they will make new friends and enjoy the stimulation of daycare, so this time, those are the least of my worries.  I also know that a mentally stimulated momma, makes for a happy momma, which is better for the entire family.

I love my boys' so much and I'm saddened by the thought of not being with them all the time, that I might miss the baby's first steps or any other amazing milestone in either of their little lives.  But staying at home permanently isn't an option for us and even if it was, I'm not entirely sure I'd be up to the task.

Truly, I have so much respect for stay at home mom's, you are amazing and I've enjoyed the opportunity to walk in your footsteps, but now its time for me to dive back into my life as a working momma, and the many challenges the lifestyle entails.