Sunday, June 20, 2010
Wishes in and of themselves are an interesting concept; they are about hope and desire, yet they are not bogged down by expectation. Wishes are akin to dreams in that they hold the potential to connect us to the deeper, often untapped corners or our soul. I'm obviously not talking about wishes for material goods such as cell phones, purses and televisions. I'm talking about wishes that makes us vulnerable, wishes for good things for good people, wishes for success taking the road less traveled and wishes for the strength to change the things that seem unchangeable. I'm talking about struggle and the hope that helps us keep pressing forward.
These days, I seem to be struggling myself with a bit of blueness, a flatness seems to be coming over me and clouding out a few of brighter moments. Quite simply, I am tired. I love being a Momma and everything it entails, but I also miss myself, just me. At my work they talk about a work-life balance, and my wish for myself, is a stronger Momma-Amber Balance; blogging has helped. It's given me back my voice, given me a place to shout out my thoughts and my experiences to the world, but I need more, blogging is only the first step.
Next, I need to take back my body, claim it as my own. I feel as if my body was the boys' for so long, but the boy hasn't breast fed for three months, so its time to move past that. Overall, I had been doing pretty well, I lost the majority of my baby weight, without much effort, but over the last month or so, I've been eating junk food. I've gained about 5 pounds back and it has to stop. For Me, for My well-being and for My sense of worth. I need to take care of My body not for the boy, but for Me.
Step 1: Cut back the junk food.
Step 2: Exercise.
Why does it seem so hard to do things just for me these days? I'd do anything for the boy in a heartbeat, but I'm no longer the top of my own totem pole. That being said, maybe this Momma-Amber balance I seek is really more of a goal than a wish, something I can work towards, something I can make happen, rather than something that I hope the universe can guide me towards.
How exciting, when I started this post, attaining balance felt almost unattainable, now it feels more like a challenge that I CAN rise to meet. Thank you blogging, for yet another lesson in life.